you actually have to have self love to practice self care...

self love and self care have to be non-negotiables.

Sooooo I'm having my quarterly crisis and this one is being brought to us by the death of the most horrific, embarrassing and self deprecating relationship I have ever been in. No, this is not a blog dragging his sorry ass, cause I actually picked up my journal and blew the dust off and realized that there wasn't even one entry in there about this man. Like, in the last year that I've been dealing with him he didn't make my journal but sadly not much has. As women we all have that relationship that shines a light on our self-esteem. The relationship where you compromise your ideals, your boundaries and your sense of self all in the pursuit of being with someone who hates you. Once you hit rock bottom in that place and the light comes on you realize how you got here and it's certainly not by prioritizing your self. I'm not even mad about the relationship because I've learned so much and the primary thing I've learned is that self-care isn't just buying the shiny things (of which i have a gold medal in), or getting your nails done(again, gold medal status) but about the hard work of self reflection, journaling, reading that book (or thee book, the bible), setting boundaries and standing on business! I had to come to terms with the fact that while I am extremely high maintenance in regards to how I present, the last year I have completely dropped the ball on my inner self care work and the results have been disastrous and obvious to those who are closest to me. It's left me in a place where I have to take accountability and have hard conversations with myself. Conversations about this man that I chose, all the crimson flags that I didn't have enough self-love to not ignore, all the compromises that crushed my spirit and finally not seeing that like Whitney said, the greatest love of all is inside of me....sexual chocolate!

So after crashing out yet again and by God for the last time, I have made a new commitment to myself to get back on the inner care band wagon. We're often preached at so often as women about self care but we're not always aware of what that looks like, especially from an inner perspective. So here are some self care tips curated by me and my newest bestie...chat gpt!

image courtesy of chatgpt...lmao

1. Talk to Yourself Like You Would a Dear Friend

Your inner dialogue shapes your entire self-view. Practice saying things like, “I’m doing my best,” “I deserve love even when I mess up,” or “It’s okay to rest.” Kind self-talk is the gateway drug to self-love.

2. Feel Your Feelings All the Way Through

Don’t rush your healing. Let sadness, anger, or joy move through you fully without shame. Cry in the car. Laugh mid-breakdown. Write about it. Emotion needs motion.

3. Create a “You Sanctuary”

Carve out a space that’s just yours — a corner, a playlist, a robe, a candle ritual. Make it sacred, soft, and yours. Retreat there when you need a reset.

4. Delete What Drains You

That app. That convo. That thought loop. That pressure. Release it. Not everything that comes at you deserves access to your peace.

5. Let Rest Be Revolutionary

Inner care means slowing down — on purpose. Take naps without guilt. Daydream. Sit in silence. Rest isn’t laziness, it’s a love language to yourself.

6. Check In With Your Body Like It's a Bestie

Ask, “Hey, what do you need right now?” Water? Movement? A snack? A deep breath? Your body holds your truth — treat it like a wise, living altar.

7. Unplug to Reconnect

Social media can feel like static. Try mini digital detoxes to return to your own voice. Journal. Stretch. Light incense. Listen to the silence. Your spirit gets louder when the noise goes down.

8. Celebrate Small Wins Like Big Ones

Got out of bed? That counts. Texted your therapist? That’s care. Brushed your hair after crying? That’s a ritual. Small steps add up to massive love.

9. Say No (Without Explaining Yourself)

Protecting your peace is a whole practice. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for what keeps you whole. “No” is a full sentence — and a full blessing.

10. Speak Your Truth (Even If It Shakes)

Whether in a journal, a blog, or a whisper to the mirror — say what’s real. Honesty with yourself is a spiritual exfoliant.

These are just a few things you can do to kick off your self care journey but remember that the epitome of self care is rooted in self love and there are no short cuts to that sacred place but everyday is another day to implement and do all the things that will reflect your love to the world. The saying goes that you can't poor from an empty cup so fill yours first. The world will be a kinder, softer place when we all practice self love with the same fierceness that we love our nearest and dearest with. If you don't love yourself, you will only attract chaos all across your life. Here's to hoping that you love yourself more today than you did yesterday.