Toni wrote...

Toni wrote...

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"Freeing yourself was one thing, claiming ownership of that freed self was another.”

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  • Nina Childs

and just like that....jeen-yuhs

Updated: May 9

On the verge of my usual quarterly breakdown I plopped down on my couch and prepared

to drink an entire bottle of wine...minus the 1 glass I had earlier. Yeah, it was a long stressful day. As usual I've signed myself up to do a bunch of shit that I'm sure will make sense later but today when the world is falling down off of my shoulders it's all just too much. Strategizing and planning and doing the hardest of things, following through. I have a very robust home life. My children keep me busy if not on the verge of a mental breakdown cause they're just at that fuccn age ya know? Add to that my mom being mia on some self imposed strike from nothing and all the things I need to do nipping at my heels. All the while I just want to write and create and that's getting harder and harder to do lately with all of the bullshit that keeps cropping up. Having a day indeed. Feeling overwhelmed and derailed cause why else would I be blogging? And then Jeen-yuhs. The 3 part Kanye documentary that's now streaming on Netflix. Jeen-yuhs shows his rocky rise to stardom from the

viewpoint of one of his very 1st supporters, a camera man and aspiring film maker by the name of Coodie. Coodie follows Kanye around for 21 years. Getting video of all of his most intimate moments. The triumphs and the failures. His retainer, his struggle braids, his beat up 4 door car with the missing rim...the bottom. I was transfixed by the raw honesty and transparency. Seeing someone's struggle while knowing that they get their happily ever after is quiet satisfying.Though Kanye's life as of late seems to be a drug addled, pr nightmare, it's great to see the rise. It's inspirational to me. Being that I am someone trying to do something that everyone in LA is trying to do with damn near insurmountable odds and obstacles and issues waiting around most corners I just see so much of my story in his story. I heard this saying once that says, "Never despise humble beginnings.". I guess it's the remaining humble that's the real struggle. In some good news I feel like I'm finally in an honest place with my writing and that's a huge plus. I know my strengths and I have a handle on my weaknesses and a strategy of how to work them out to my advantage. I have some real niggas with me thank God and I'm developing new and amazing relationships but nothing sustains quiet like an underdog story that makes good in the end. I don't know exactly how Kanye's story is going to end but I'd like to think as polarizing of a figure that he is that he will continue to beat the odds and fight to ascend. That's what I'm gonna do. No matter what.

 

 


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